Single Again

Closet Space by Lucy Connor It is almost midnight, soon to be March 31, 2014. I closed on my new home three years ago on this date! I have lovingly decorated every square inch of my castle to reflect my rather quirky personality. My living room walls show off pictures of cockatoos in mirrored frames from the 1940's, my dining room features completely mis-matched chairs and mid-century  modern bookcases turned into hutches....along with a few Craigslist finds. Everything about this home screams that it is Mine, Mine, Mine! Since my divorce, I have dated a bit. Every gentleman that makes it to my house gets a castle tour. Following the old adage,  " Leave the best for last", the running commentary at tour's end goes something like this.  " This is the reason I bought this house...but wait, before you see the room...look at this closet. It is a double walk-in ...and it is full! No room for anyone else here." After that not so subtle proclamation of my una...

And So it Goes by Lucy Connor Last night I cried. I know this does not seem like a big deal....but I almost NEVER cry. Oh, well I cry at sappy movies and when I am reading something particularly beautiful or emotional..and I used to cry when my son told me he hated me and was moving to California (which was the farthest away place he could imagine), and was never coming home. But when real-life pain hits...I simply don't cry. I managed to make it through a divorce after 27 years of marriage and did not cry. Last night, however, I cried. I am kind of a Billy Joel nut, to put it mildly. He wrote a song in 1983, the year my first child was born, called "And So it Goes". It is a song about recovering from old loves and the pain and risk involved in learning to love again. The following words from the song, hit me in the guts every time I hear it and last night was no exception. In every heart there is a room A sanctuary safe and strong To heal the wounds from lovers...

Independence Day by Lucy Connor This week has been a tough one ever since my divorce. For 25 years, we took our family vacation on the week of July 4 th . It made sense; he worked for the State so he only had to take four vacation days and got a full week…pretty good deal. Every year, we packed up the kids and headed to Tybee Island. We got a condo that slept six and filled it up. For a week, it was heaven on earth. We hunted shark teeth, the boys fished, the girls shopped. We ate ice cream and swam and played on the beach. For that one week every year, we were the happiest family on the planet. My husband even did silly things like get henna tattoos with my name on them. It was one week a year that our marriage actually seemed perfect. Since those days, he still goes and often takes some of the kids with him. The first couple of years that was hard, but now it is just weird. He is married so now I have to think about him and the kids and grandkids, making memories in “our spo...

Single Again: What Women Want, Part 2 “Cherish is the Word” By: Lucy Connor It has been a while since I wrote the first installment of What Women Want, and every day since I published that article I thought about what the next one should be. Today, out of the clear blue, it came to me. Remember this part of your wedding vows?   “ I promise to love you without reservation, comfort you in times of distress, encourage you to achieve (higher/all of your) goals, laugh with you and cry with you, grow with you in mind and spirit, always be open and honest with you, and cherish you for as long as we both shall live.” (Traditional Wedding Service) We want to be recognized, encouraged, comforted and…… cherished. Cherished. Webster’s defines cherish as “to protect and care for someone lovingly”. Basically, if someone cherishes you, he has your back. You are not an object put on earth to wait on him, clean up after him, tend to his needs, or put up with his disrespect. You are h...

Single Again: What Women Want - Integrity by Lucy Connor There are those who would say “Women have no idea what they want!” Maybe that is true, but I say most of us at least have a pretty good idea of what we desire when we are looking for a forever partner. The list of “wants” certainly varies woman to woman. There are some relatively universal truths, but even those vary according to the background, age, present situation and baggage being drug along. I am going to take a really big leap and try my hand at one of the Universal Truths when it comes to a quality women would like to have in a partner.  Women want a man who is honest about who he is… someone with a sense of personal integrity.  Many of the women that are back out on the dating front have been through painful marriages and even more painful divorces. These ladies have been through hurt upon hurt, and the last thing they want to encounter at this point, is a man who gives a false impression of who he is a...

Single Again: Going Out Alone by Lucy Connor I am a tough cookie. I can handle anything. I raised four children to adulthood and they are all happy, well-adjusted college graduates.  I managed to stay in a not so great marriage for 27 years, get out of it, change towns, get my Masters Degree at 53 and start my life completely over again on my own. I have figured out how to work 12 hours a day, come home and take care of all of the business of home ownership, cook, have relationships, craft, work a second job, write….basically…I can do everything that modern day society expects of me. I can do everything that I really want to do…with one huge exception. I cannot just “go out” alone. Now, I can shop, visit a friend, take care of my grandkids, go to work, to a movie or even sit in church alone. I just can’t go out where I will be identified as a “single”, alone. This includes going out to a sit down restaurant, going to a club or a social event.  Frankly, this makes abso...