An Exposed Heart from Beginning to End

by Lucy Connor

Mature Dating, Fun or Frightening?

When I try to figure out exactly what “mature dating” is, I giggle. I have been “dating” for almost 6 years after a marriage of 27 years came to it’s eventual slow and painful death. I must say that most of the dating I have done has been anything but mature. I am not really sure what it was that I expected, but I am pretty sure it was not what I experienced!

As a newly single woman, separated and waiting for the divorce to become final, I threw caution to the wind and decided that I would get out there and find the man of my dreams. Almost immediately I started looking and my eyes were most certainly opened up to the realities of middle aged dating. Forgive me if I expound on a couple of them. First of all, it is very difficult to meet older single men if you work all day and do not care to go to bars, restaurants, concerts etc. alone. These days, the internet is a place many middle aged singles turn to and I was no exception. The internet sites are a hotbed of the same people, telling the same lies over and over.  Unfortunately, I had to step in to the fire on more than one occasion before I figured out that this could be quite a painful way to go in the quest for love. Another pitfall is that many of the men have forgotten what it means to “date”. Quite often, the scenario is something like this. We write a few times, maybe talk on the phone, meet for coffee or a walk in a populated area, have a nice talk and never speak to or see each other again. I figure there are several reasons for this. The most sensible one to me is that I am an independent woman with a job and a home and a stable family, friends, relationships and a happy life. Most of the men I have met have no job, no home, a family that they see infrequently and a pile of baggage. This was not, however, the picture they painted of themselves before we had our first “date”.  I have had several first dates that were actually dates, complete with a meal and maybe even a goodnight kiss. Oddly enough, even though we may have had a lovely time, they fall off the planet. That is another pitfall, unavailability. I put my heart out there, willing to take a risk, but that risk is something that several of thethe men I have dated are not willing to take.

I have had three relationships that have made it past the weird first date and have actually survived for months, only to fizzle and die for a variety of reasons. I tend to keep the romantic viewpoint that the reason none of these stayed alive is simply put, because they were not meant to. In the end, I have become jaded. What started out as a fresh, hopeful  heart, ready to take on the love I knew was certain to find me, had ended up a heart that had basically become closed to the idea that there is even such a thing as love.  Recently, I may have changed my mind on this subject, but that remains to be seen as this latest journey continues to take shape.

I have seen love in marriages, that was true, and that stood the test of time and troubles. I have known people who simply were not whole if their true love was away from them for more than a few hours. Secretly, I have coveted these relationships. On the outside, I am strong and need little from anyone. On the inside, I want to be someone’s forever person. I want to be the one that someone cannot live without and more than that, I want someone that I cannot live without.

For now, I try to keep an open mind. I try to believe that he is out there…the one that is meant to share my life in these glorious mid-life years and into old age. I am a bit of a romantic, and on most days, I dream about what it is like to have him look in my eyes and whisper “forever”. I have secretly even looked at wedding dresses, which was something I never did the first time around, thinking about a day when I would give someone my eternal love. Logic, what is that? Hope springs eternal, even after all of the less than savory experiences to this point.  Though I truly believed it was time to give up the quest and live my life as a single school marm, lately I am not quite ready to say that my exposed heart has an end. Actually, I think that scary as it is, it is more exposed than ever and I am getting excited about the potential for the ride of my life!