Sometimes Love is the Suppressor of Truth

by Lucy Connor

Truth, it seems, can sometimes be in the eyes of the beholder. Think about it. There are certain “truths” I live by that others would not claim as truth at all. For example, I happen to believe that one of the great truths in life is that spending the day teaching 200 middle school students is a pretty fabulous way to make a living. How many of you agree with that? Though this may seem a rather flippant way to look at this topic, I am hoping it will prove a point.

There are very few truths that are absolute and universal, maybe only one or two. We were given a couple directions in the New Testament that qualify as universal truths. Love others as God has loved us and love our neighbors as ourselves. Even for people who do not believe in God, the ideas of unconditional love toward others (as God loves us) and of treating others as we would like to be treated must ring a bell as life truths. This is the way we should all seek to live our lives.

In my experiences as a married woman, I found that frequently in my marriage, love was the suppressor of truth. I guess, technically, the love was not the suppressor, but rather it was the fear of losing the love I so desired. More often than not, in the tough years of our marriage, I found ways to not be completely truthful about things in my heart because I was afraid of the repercussions of truth. After spending so much time in that situation, when I became single and started dating, I vowed to always be truthful.

I have always worn my heart on my sleeve, so in a way, I guess I have the opposite disorder of suppressing my feelings. I am a talker and am very open minded. I have never seen the sense in playing cat and mouse games. If I am into someone, I let him know. If I am not, I say goodbye and go about my business. I am not a desperate woman, searching for love to the exclusion of anything else. I also do not want to waste time just dating around when I know that the person I am dating is not someone I would want to spend forever with. I have always been someone who gives love easily and completely. If I feel that special, sacred connection to someone, friend, family or suitor, I am the first one to own up to and want to talk about and uncover my feelings. This is not necessarily a great trait. Most people are afraid of someone who is not afraid to speak freely about emotions and hopes and dreams. Sometimes people equate this with being needy. I just think it is silly to feel deeply for someone and not tell the person. We are older, if it is there, we should dig in and see if these feelings have substance over time. Running away from strong feelings seems backwards when the admitted reason we are dating is to discover strong feelings! The biggest problem I have discovered since becoming single is there are very few places to meet men that I could fall in love with. Many of the men that are this age and single are scarred and loaded with baggage and though they might proclaim that they are looking for forever, that statement could not be farther from the truth!

The world of internet dating is full of misrepresentations and half-truths. I have been on several sites and have seen more than I can even begin to discuss. It is tempting to be something more than who you are, especially when who you are, is not getting much action. I remember one of the first men I wrote when I was on my own. This was a handsome, well-educated man and appeared by his profile, to be a great match for me. I sent him a nice note only to be answered with a note telling me I was not what he was looking for. Truth, bold and in black and white, stinging and making me wonder about my future on this site! He had no idea who I was, but decided by a short note and my picture, that he was not interested. I did not waver, however, and continued to tell the truth about myself and what I was looking for.

In complete honesty….telling the truth about myself and what I am looking for in a dating or a forever relationship, has been a real eye-opener. If you had asked me before this experience, I might have been a little cocky. I have always known that I am intelligent and have a pretty fair amount of artistic talent. I am a hard worker, I don’t smoke, I take care of myself, am a good mom and can be a lot of fun. I would figure these traits would make me a shoe-in as a desirable partner. Boy, was I wrong! I have stumbled about in the mid-life crisis dating world, run a-muck with lies, unrealistic expectations and skewed self-views, for close to six years. I may have finally stumbled on someone who strives to be as truthful as I do, but time will tell.


Through it all, I still believe that living truthfully and authentically is the only way to ever discover true love. The heart is able to see what the eyes cannot. When true, unconditional love is in your life, the only way to keep it alive and forever, is to always be truthful. When you are afraid that the one you love, may sneak away or go stomping out the door the minute he discovers the real you…run, run for the hills. This person is not your guy! True love sees who you are and loves you completely anyway.

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